How to Act Cool

Co-authored by Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Last Updated: June 24, 2024 Fact Checked

You're not born with cool, you've got to find it. Miles Davis found it in a few slouched notes at the corner of the stage, while Audrey Hepburn found it in a gaze. Everyone who's ever climbed on a motorcycle, plugged in an electric guitar, or found a leather jacket that fits like a glove knows it: cool is an act. Even the lamest wallflower can up their cool factor by learning to stand out from the crowd, stay ahead of the game, and cultivate a cool image. See Step 1 for more information.

Method 1

Method 1 of 5:

Standing Out From the Crowd

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1
Figure out who's "in" and who's "out." Before you can position yourself as a super-cool person worthy of envy, you've got to figure out what cool means.^{[1]
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Research source} Is this the right place for putting on shades and slouching? Is it the right time to talk about the Chocolate Vomits show at which you stage dived last night? Acting cool at work may be a lot different than acting cool in middle school, but you can learn to identify the different cool and uncool crowds, and tailor your coolness accordingly.
- In a very large group, like a whole middle school or a whole company, try to find a smaller group of people to befriend and be cool with. Situate yourselves as the "in" group in opposition to the lamestream, er, the mainstream.
- In a smaller group, it might be more appropriate to remain aloof to play it cool. If you come out too strong, you'll likely just make everyone think you're a weirdo, not cool. Find another cool buddy to be cool with and position your small clique as the in group.
2
Act like you've been there already. According to an analysis of "cool kids"^{[2]
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Research source} one of the traditional markers of coolness is that other people perceive that cool people are more experienced, mature, and knowledgeable than they are. That doesn't mean you need to have spent time under the bleachers, at underground rock clubs, or in foreign countries to give off a cool vibe, nor does it mean you need to start bragging about things you've never done. You can learn to put on a mysterious and experienced act that people will believe.
- Practice vague responses to specific questions about your experiences that will seem cool. If someone asks if you're a virgin, or have ever smoked a cigarette, say, "What is this, a sewing circle?" or "That's a boring question" and change the subject. Throw it back in their face.
- Never make stuff up. It won't make you seem cool to lie and say you've been to Europe, or that you've done illicit things in the back of a car when you haven't. The truth will come out eventually and you'll be exposed and embarrassed.
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Dissent from the popular opinion of the day. Acting cool means being different, doing things that make you stand out from the crowd.^{[3]
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Trustworthy Source

Harvard Business Review
Online and print journal covering topics related to business management practices

Go to source} You're floating above the lame drudgery of the world in your super-cool cloud. You can't be a follower and act cool. Other people should want to be like you, because you're setting trends, surprising people with your fresh outlook and opinions, and bucking the common wisdom.
- Play devil's advocate in group discussions and casual conversations. Don't get attached to being right or wrong, just poke at people's expectations and dissent every now and then for the sake of coolness. All your friends ragging on a teacher? Stick up for her. Being different is cool.
- Alternatively, it may be "cooler" to join up with the crowd in some cases. In middle school, acting cool might mean embracing the newest Justin Bieber song, even if you're not crazy about Biebs. You can still listen to the good stuff when you're alone. But try to be true to yourself.
4
Slow down. Let the world come to you. Acting cools means relaxing, not rushing into anything due to uncool excitement.^{[4]
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Research source} Instead, just chill, kick back, and wait.
- Let other people talk first. Practice good listening skills, staying quiet until someone else wants to start the conversation. Acting cool means you're not desperate for chat. Just take 'er easy. Whatevs.
- Take long pauses before you speak, even if you're fairly sure of what you're going to say. Dramatic pause will give people the chance to contemplate your smarts and your seriousness. Be stoic, like Kathryn Hepburn, Clint Eastwood, and the titans of cool.
- Don't forget to slow your roll, too. Walk more slowly. Look around, scoping the sites. Smell the flowers. Walk with a cool lope, rather than an efficient bustle.
5
Ignore the haters. Uncool people have a tendency to make it their mission to tear down cool people. Cool people from Kanye to Picasso to Yoko all have their haters, and it's lame. If you're going to join the ranks of the super-cool, and start acting like the cool, enviable person with the awesome life that you have, it's a given that you'll attract some haters. Learn to deal with them.
- Keep a close watch on your social networking, unfriending or ignoring anyone who hates on your awesomeness. You don't need to listen to it. Instead, surround yourself with people who'll lift you up and support you in your coolness.
- Prepare cool responses to haters. If someone tries to make fun of the super-hip style you're trying out at school, saying, "What are you wearing?!" have a cool response prepared just in case: "Maybe I should let my mom dress me, like you do."
- Spread the coolness around and bestow it on others. The bigger your cool clique, the less chance haters will have of effecting you. Build a strong group of cool friends with similar interests so you won't have to be a lone wolf.
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Make lots of friends and keep them. One common misconception is that "cool" kids are an exclusive group, like the Navy SEALs, and if one of your friends can't pass the cool test, they'll get cut. A cool person treats everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of whether or not they're really "cool."
- Seek out a diverse group of friends. Befriend other kids at your school that aren't necessarily considered "cool" and speak up for them to your friends. Build good will rather than sewing resentment.
- Some recent studies show that kids considered "cool" in middle and high school end up experiencing functional difficulties in their early adult years, as a result of pretending to have more mature experienced early in life, alienating friends and close ones.^{[5]
  X
  Research source} Don't make the same mistake as the ruthlessly cool. Keep your real friends around.

Quiz

wikiHow Quiz: How Cool Am I?

“Am I cool?” It’s a question we all ask eventually, and it’s not always easy to judge for ourselves. Not to worry! With the help of this quiz, you can finally find out just how cool you really are, plus see how you stack up against your friends. Ready to know if you’re cool or not? Take this quiz to find out!

1 of 12

Your ideal Friday night involves…

Going to bed early. I need my full eight hours!

Eating ice cream and watching reality TV with my bestie.

Going to my friend’s art show, dancing, and good food.

Whatever I feel like. I always have invites and options to choose from.

Method 2

Method 2 of 5:

Looking Cool

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1
Find a cool icon. Truly "new" looks don't really happen. Unless you want to wrap yourself in space blankets and wear undertaker make-up, it'll be hard to break new ground in the fashion department. The better and quicker way to spice up your cool style is to pick a cool muse, icon, or idol to borrow tips from. Actors, musicians, and even older siblings or locals can all make great style icons. Some classics might include:
- Paul Newman in Cool Hand Luke. Sometimes nothing is a real cool hand. Work shirts and banjos never looked cooler than on Newman in this classic flick. Study his icy gaze and his witty come-backs as you cultivate your style. Bonus: being familiar with this oldie flick will make you stand out among the Transformers-obsessed. See also: Steve McQueen in Bullitt, Peter Fonda in Easy Rider, and live clips of Johnny Cash.
- Audrey Hepburn in Breakfast at Tiffany's. Hepburn's bootleg brand of glamor made her a style icon in the 60s. Striking sophistication and manic weirdness can go hand-in-hand, she taught us. Also check out Brigitte Bardot in any film, Anna Karina in Band of Outsiders (obscure French film bonus points!), and Nancy Sinatra clips on YouTube.
- Vintage Fashion photography. Check out Mae West, Betty Page, and issues of Vogue from the mid-50s to the 70s. There's a whole wealth of cool going unnoticed at the local library. Need a fresh breath of style in your life? Go back to the source.
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Build up a cool and flattering wardrobe. Buy clothes that make you look good and make you feel cool. Cool clothes are less about a particular style and more about giving you the confidence and the verve to put out the cool vibes. You want to make sure the clothes fit you and flatter your body shape, so you feel hip and confident.
- Some trends like skinny jeans and high-waisted pants may not look great on everyone. It's not cool if it doesn't look good. Find something that you like to wear.
- Wear sunglasses for classic cool. There's one constant in the cool-fashion universe: sunglasses look awesome on everyone. Get some cool shades, prescription if you wear glasses, and rock them when you're outside. Keeping them on indoors is lame.
3
Relax and be comfortable in your own skin. Look at old videos of Johnny Cash being interviewed, or Meryl Streep. They give off the impression that they know something you don't, that they're relaxed in their experience of the world. That's cool. Above all, the most important part of acting cool? Being relaxed. You want to give off the impression of feeling comfortable as you, as if you're at ease in the world you inhabit.
- Try not to tap your feet anxiously, or chew your fingernails, even when you're just sitting. Sit quietly and contemplatively. Anxiety makes everyone anxious. Quiet dignity? That's cool.
It's hard to be more than one kind of cool when it comes to style. You know yourself the best and you know what you think is cool, so if you want to commit to a cool style that'll have others awed by your awesomeness, it's important to pick a thing and stick to it. Are you a rocker? A jock? A nerd? Every subculture comes with its own lexicon of cool. When you decide what kind of cool you want to pursue, throw yourself into it.

Method 3

Method 3 of 5:

Being Athletic-Cool

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1
Get in shape. From Michael Jordan to Mia Hamm, athletes and athletic-types are cool. We regular types are in awe of the athlete's natural ability and cut-throat drive to win at all costs, making them super-cool in the eyes of many. If you want to be athletic-cool, the first step is to get in shape and start putting your body to good use in sports, exercise, and other physical activities. You don't have to be a pro athlete to be athletic-cool, but you do have to be in shape.
- If you like sports, pick one and commit to a team or building a particular skill. Play soccer, football, basketball, golf, tennis, or whatever sport drives you wild with competitive energy. Get as good as you possibly can and get into shape by playing often and working out.
- If you don't like traditional ball-and-net sports, many people still cultivate an athletic-coolness by getting into yoga, long-distance running, weightlifting, cycling, or hiking. These are excellent ways to get fit without having to join a team.
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Prove that you're cool in competition. Cool athletes are often driven by a desire to win, so it's a good idea to get on the field and see what you're made of when you're going for the gold. Whether you're on a team or by yourself, do everything you can to win, whether you're playing a board game or starting in the Super Bowl, win at all costs.
- Take every opportunity for competition seriously. When Rafael Nadal was injured and recuperating, the loss of tennis competition drove him nuts, so he threw himself completely into competitive high-stakes poker to keep his competitive edge razor-sharp. That's cool.
- try to be a good winner and a good loser. Cool means you drive others and yourself to succeed at the highest level, but also realize that you're ultimately playing a game. If you lose, congratulate your opponent and have the dignity to appreciate their achievement. There's nothing cool about whining like a sore loser.
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Show off your skills regularly. A cool athlete is always down to get physical, get competitive, and get moving. A quiet day indoors spend crafting and catching up on Battlestar Galactica? Forget about it. The cool athlete wants to start the day with a 5-mile bike ride, fuel up with fruit and oatmeal, then shoot hoops until the last possible minute before leaving for work or school. Cool athletes take every opportunity to push their body to the limit.
- Go to public parks and gyms to meet other like-minded cool athletes. Play pick-up games in your area to make sporting friends and feed your competition monster. Be a beast on the field.
4
Get the right gear. Athletic gear and apparel is big business. Within any hobby, from b-ball to biking, there's a huge range of expensive gear and "stuff" that you can get to keep up your cool image. Outlets like Dick's, Cabela's, Outdoor World, and REI all specialize in gear for the cool athlete. It can be easy to spend a lot of sports gear, but try to spend appropriately in your price range.
- Some hot brands for the cool athlete include North Face, Patagonia, Under Armour, Nike, and Adidas. These companies make regular clothes as well as extreme-use gear for a variety of purposes. Pick gear appropriate for your interests. Every sport likewise has a specific range of task-specific stuff you can check out when you learn more about your sport.
- Team memorabilia and jerseys are also super-common among cool athletes. If you love basketball, get an old Sixers throwback jersey and a ball-cap. Rep your favorite teams.
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Watch sports and pick your athlete icons. Cool athletes usually look to other cool athletes for inspiration and guidance. If you fancy yourself an athlete, it's important to follow your sport of choice. Keep up with the team, even in the off-season. The cool athlete is always checking into the Bleacher Report to see if Kobe's really going to retire, if Cristiano Ronaldo's knee has healed up properly, if RGIII can live up to the hype.
- Pick your favorite teams and rivalries, with extra bonus points for local and regional teams. It doesn't make any sense to rep the Yankees if you live in Atlanta, unless you can claim some connection to the source. Be authentic to be cool.

Method 4

Method 4 of 5:

Being Rockstar-Cool

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1
Read cool books and magazines. One of the best ways to keep as up to date in the cool world as possible is to keep current with the hippest books, magazines, and online reading. If you expect to act cool, keep tapped into the intellectual hubs of coolness. Find stuff that you like, that will also give you cool cache.
- Check out cool books, classics like Kerouac's On the Road, Plath's "The Bell Jar," Marquez's One Hundred Years of Solitude, and more contemporary hip-lit: anything by Tao Lin, Karen Russell, Roberto Bolano, or Haruki Murakami.
- Check out cool culture magazines like Vice, Bomb," The Believer, Aesthetica, Oxford American, The Brooklyn Rail, and Interview.
- Check out cool culture sites, like The Onion, Aquarium Drunkard, Slate, Narrative, and Brooklyn Vegan.
2
Listen to cool music. Music is the lifeblood of the cool kids. Maybe nothing can more instantly inject you with cool juice than a taste in hip music and a contemporary knowledge of what's cool. You don't want to be the guy at the party with outdated taste, asking everyone if they've ever heard of Radiohead.
- Check out cool archival record labels like Numero Group, Tompkins Square, and Light in the Attic, to learn about old obscurities. While the lame kids go gaga over Mumford and Sons, go deep into Laurel Canyon desert folk, Minneapolis soul comps, and weird ambient music from the 80s. Good and obscure equals cool.
- Go to local shows and learn about the local scene in your area. If you can get in on the ground level with the next hip band before they get big, you can tell all your friends you knew them back when they were playing in your basement. Cool points +1000.
- Collect vinyl records, both old and new. CDs are dead, and MP3s lack the cache of a sweet stack of vinyl. Most new records come with download codes anyway, meaning you can still check out the same record on your iPod. Bonus!
3
Stay aloof. Don't get too excited about anything, or anybody. Stay cool and aloof, as if you've always got something totally rad happening every night after school, or on the weekends. Just found out you won an all-expenses paid trip to Mexico? Shrug your shoulders: "Sounds cool, I guess." Your boyfriend just broke it off with you in front of all your friends? Laugh it off. He was a loser anyway.
- Alternatively, if you're at a party full of "too cool for school" types, who sneer and can't even be bothered to take off their leather jackets, it might be cooler to speak out. Be the one cracking jokes, cutting up, and being loud. Find the mainstream and act in opposition to it, if you want to act cool.
4
Commit to nothing and feel free to change your mind regularly. Some cool things are timeless. Plain white tees, Levis, and Chuck Taylors? Always cool. Motorcycles? Always cool. Bass guitar? Always cool. But you've also got to stay ahead of trends by keeping your ear to the underground and finding the "next big thing," which might mean getting off the "Harlem Shake" train before it gets lame. It's cutthroat, the cool game.
- When you see Ninja Turtles novelty tees at K-Mart, the trend has probably crossed over into lame. When you hear a band in a diamond commercial, they're probably not super-hip anymore. Move onto the next thing when it's reached it's pop culture apex. No shame.
5
Hang out with musicians, artists, and creative types. There's nothing more cool than being in a rock band, doing weird performance art, or being an all-around eccentric person. Hang out with such people and the coolness will rub off on you.
- Frequent trendy coffee shops to meet bohemian sorts in your area. Carry a hip book with you and dress in your coolest clothes. Hit up art openings, concerts, and poetry readings. You'll attract the other cool sorts.
- At your school, see if there's an art, guitar, or foreign language club you could join to hang out with other cool and worldly people. It's a good way to make cool friends. If your school doesn't have a music appreciation society, start one.
6
Develop quirky or "weird" habits. Acting cool means having compelling interests in unexpected fields, topics, and issues. Cool people shake up the norm and do surprising things that make other people want to learn from you and sap off your cool vibes. You can cultivate some quirks that'll make you stand out and get noticed.
- Maybe you could carry a cane with a rattlesnake on the handle for no reason. Maybe you develop a love of exotic butterflies, and decorate your room with your collection of specimens. The line between weirdo eccentricities and "cool" is sometimes blurry. Have fun with it and do something you really enjoy that's odd, unique, and cool.
- Try thinking of calling cards, cool quirks that'll make you different and cool. Even things as simple as ordering bloody mary at night, or deciding to never see Forrest Gump might qualify as "cool." Be the never-seen-a-single-episode-of-Seinfeld guy? Why not?
7
Go for controlled chaos in your grooming. Acting cool means you want to look cool while also looking as if you put no thought whatsoever into your look. Look cool by controlling the chaos of your hair, your clothes, and your make-up.
- Jeans and shirts should not be ironed, but not super-wrinkly or dirty. Holes in your jeans are cool, and so are paint-splattered boots and sneakers, as if you just came straight form the studio.
- Necklaces, bracelets, and piercings are usually cool, if they make you feel good. Use your judgment. Shark teeth necklaces look cool on Johnny Depp, but might make you look like a dork. Combined with other cool stylings, you can start to build a look for yourself.
- Wash your hair the night before school, rather than right before school. Going to bed with slightly-damp hair can give you rockstar body and frizz, giving it a controlled kind of wildness. You can always comb it out if it looks too crazy.
- Cool make-up is usually minimalist. Go for a light natural look, highlighting your features and your own natural coloring.
Classic tends to trump cutting edge when it comes to cool clothes, movies, and music. Classic Ray-Bans are cooler than Oakleys. Old-school Italian art house films from the 70s are cool, while Michael Bay movies are less so. Old-school synthesizers and analog guitar effects might be cooler than digital counterparts. Tape machines cooler than Ableton Live.

Method 5

Method 5 of 5:

Being Smart-Cool

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1
Find the cutting edge, and be on the right side of it. Technology, clothes, culture, many different kinds of things can change in an instant. Coolness is a moving target. try to stay as up-to-date as you can on the newest, the freshest, and the coolest stuff available.
- Smart-cool people are always plugged in, have always seen that meme three days before it showed up on your newsfeed, and always have opinions about the newer, the more efficient, and the most innovative dispatches from the tech world. The newest Facebook privacy updates? Smart-cool people read about that three days ago, thank you very much.
- Always try to update your hardware as soon as possible. The newest start-up apps, devices, games, and trends are usually cooler than slightly dated varieties. The new iPhone is cooler than the old iPhone. Why are you reading a paperback? Get an e-reader, already. You want to be the guy with the newest roll-out, drawing envious stares on the train during your commute.
2
Find new ways of doing necessary things. Shopping, eating, and traveling in the old ways? Boring. A smart-cool person doesn't waste time going to mall, instead opting to shop online at retailers like Frank & Oak or Warby Parker. A smart-cool person doesn't go to hotels, but researches cheap options on AirBnB, and gets there by hitching an Uber ride. Stay abreast of the coolest new start-ups and innovations in the consumer culture.
- You don't necessarily have to be super-plugged-in to stay on top of innovative consumer trends. Even within your own neighborhood, you can seek out new restaurants, always going somewhere else, finding the next best thing. Be restless and keep moving.
3
Develop your online presence. Smart-cool people pride themselves on their Twitter followers and take their online presence seriously. From your social networking to your personal websites to your World of Warcraft account, your online presence should be tricked out and fully developed. Have a blank avatar on your wikiHow account? Get serious.
- Online friends are real friends. Forge relationships and friendships with people online, who'll get your particular brand of humor, your interests, and your personality. If you spend a considerable amount of time in your own head, online communities can be very welcoming. It might feel like home.
4
Take school seriously and get a well-rounded education. Being smart-cool means you've got to be, well, smart. Get excited about how you can translate your smarts into a career by learning about innovative fields and developments in culture. See school as a means to an end, and keep moving forward into your bright future.
- Develop a thirst for knowledge of all sorts, not just what you're interested in or consider your speciality. If you want to be a hacker, be the hacker who can quote Macbeth at length. If you want to be a novelist, learn how to do things with your hands, in addition to all that brain-work.
- You know there's nothing cool about blowing off your homework, even when the supposedly "cool" kids at your school seem to blow it off all the time. Find confidence in the knowledge that you'll be in college, surrounded by awesome, intelligent, and beautiful people, while these fake cool kids go nowhere.
5
Dress how you want. In the world of smart-cool, looking as if you pay excessive attention to brands, styles, or other trends would be conspicuously uncool. A smart person wants to look as if dressing is the last possible item on a long list of items. Dress for utility and comfort, not for "coolness." Walking around with a corporate logo emblazoned on your chest, like a billboard? Please.
- Novelty t-shirts are the calling card of the smart-cool. Shop online for funny shirts with inside jokes you and your friends will get, that will leave the lame jocks scratching their heads. Found a Monty Python tee you dig? Cool.

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can you enhance your likability and establish genuine connections while staying true to yourself?

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP
Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor
Rebecca Tenzer is the owner and head clinician at Astute Counseling Services, a private counseling practice in Chicago, Illinois. With over 18 years of clinical and educational experience in the field of mental health, Rebecca specializes in the treatment of depression, anxiety, panic, trauma, grief, interpersonal relationships using a combination of Cognitive Behavioral therapy, Psychodynamic therapy, and other evidence-based practices. Rebecca holds a Bachelor of Arts (BA) in Sociology and Anthropology from DePauw University, a Master in Teaching (MAT) from Dominican University, and a Master of Social Work (MSW) from the University of Chicago. Rebecca has served as a member of the AmeriCorps and is also a Professor of Psychology at the collegiate level. Rebecca is trained as a Cognitive Behavioral Therapist (CBT), a Certified Clinical Trauma Professional (CCTP), a Certified Grief Counseling Specialist (CGCS), a Clinical Anxiety Treatment Professional (CCATP), and a Certified Compassion Fatigue Professional (CCFP). Rebecca is also a member of the Cognitive Behavioral Therapy Society of America and The National Association of Social Workers.

Rebecca Tenzer, MAT, MA, LCSW, CCTP, CGCS, CCATP, CCFP

Clinical Therapist & Adjunct Professor

Expert Answer

Finding your true self starts with self-esteem and self-love. Staying up on what's happening in the world and culture shows you can connect with people meaningfully while respecting boundaries. Being your real, sincere self is more important than fitting any mold. Focus on real relationships over quick popularity. It's about making meaningful connections with others, not just being liked. Put care into getting to know yourself and what matters most. Then, you can build genuine bonds without compromising who you are. With self-acceptance and authenticity, you can enhance your likeability while staying true to your core.

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A cool hairstyle works wonders.

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You should text him or her once in a while. If not, the person is going to think you forgot about them.

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Smiles are the best things you can give people.

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Warnings

Don't be a bully.

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Don't judge other people. If you keep doing this it will make you more insecure with yourself because you are scared other people think like you do and judge everyone instantly.

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