How to Be Sincere

Co-authored by Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA

Last Updated: October 20, 2022 Fact Checked

Sincerity means being honest and straightforward without any pretense, misrepresentation, or deceit. Being a more sincere person can refer to how you interact with others, but ultimately sincerity must begin within yourself. Learning to recognize your thoughts and feelings can help you become a more genuine person, which in turn can help you become more sincere in your dealings with others.

Method 1

Method 1 of 3:

Showing Sincerity to Others

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1
Use sincere body language. Body language can convey a great deal about your attitude, and it can easily reveal sincerity (or a lack thereof). When you interact with others, try to be mindful of your posture, mannerisms, and behavior.^{[1]
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- Make steady eye contact, but don't stare. Look away every now and then, and don't forget to blink.
- Maintain a relaxed posture, but keep your body slightly poised. You can do this by very slightly leaning toward the person you're talking to, or reaching out/gesturing towards that person.
- Don't try to change your body language to reflect sincerity. If you're sincere, your body language will naturally show it.
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Be an active listener. One easy way to show sincerity to others is by being an active listener. As someone speaks to you, keep an open mind about what that person is saying.^{[2]
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Research source} Practicing active listening skills show others that you are taking a sincere interest in what they have to say, and that you genuinely want to know more about the thoughts and feelings of others.^{[3]
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- Face the person you're talking to. When you have a genuine reaction to what someone else is saying, your facial cues will give that reaction away. Your eyebrows will raise, your eyes may widen, and your mouth will reveal your emotional reaction. Facing someone will let them see your reactions, and it will convey to them that you are engaged and interested.
- Ask open-ended questions to allow the other person to elaborate. For example, don't just ask, "Did you like living there?" This type of question will elicit a yes or no response. Instead, you can ask something like, "Wow, I've never been there before. What was it like for you? What are some memories you have of living there?" This shows your engagement and your curiosity.
- Reflect on what has been said by the other person before giving your own response. Your conversational partner may be thinking of how to phrase something, or simply leaving a pause in the conversation for dramatic effect. If you rush to say whatever is on your mind, it will not convey a sincere conversational interest in that person's thoughts and opinions.^{[4]
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Understand another's point of view. If you refuse to consider why another person thinks/feels the way they do, you will not be able to have a sincere conversation with that person. Understanding someone else's point of view does not necessarily mean abandoning your own perspective. Rather, you should try to understand what motivates others, and what life experiences may have shaped another person's point of view.^{[5]
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Research source} Once you are capable of seeing the world through someone else's eyes, you'll develop a more sincere understanding of who that person is and what made him the way he is.
- Instead of criticizing someone else's musical tastes, for example, try to understand what about that music might be appealing. Perhaps the lyrics speak to the other person. Or perhaps the loud bass lines of a dance song allow someone who is normally shy to break out of her shell and make moves on the dance floor.
- Before you argue with someone about politics, try to understand why that person holds his or her values. Someone who was raised by immigrants who grew up very poor might have strong opinions about the experience of immigrants, which could affect that person's political ideology.
- Seeing the world through someone else's perspective helps you become less judgmental and more compassionate.

Method 2

Method 2 of 3:

Developing a Sincere Personality

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1
Assess your strengths and weaknesses. Part of being more self-aware (and, by extension, more sincere) involves recognizing your best qualities, as well as your weaknesses. This can help you recognize your true self, and avoid being pretentious or insincere.
- Ask people you know and trust for an honest evaluation of your best and worst qualities, as well as your strongest and weakest talents.^{[6]
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- Practice self-reflection on a daily basis. This can help you become more aware of yourself and keep negative qualities/characteristics in check.
- Reflect on what situations you perform poorly in. This can help you determine where your strengths and weaknesses lie.
- Remember that negative self-talk isn't always a true reflection of your worth. If you notice that you're being unkind to yourself, ask yourself whether you're living up to your own standards. If you are, try to replace those negative thoughts with positive ones. If you're not, make changes that align more closely with who you want to be.^{[7]
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  Expert Source
  
  Michelle Shahbazyan, MS, MA
  Life Coach
  
  Expert Interview. 22 April 2020.}
2
Make an inventory of your values. Sincerity often means being true to your values and beliefs. Write out a list of your top 10 values. To help yourself discover these values, consider times when you were happiest, satisfied, or proud of yourself. Ask yourself why these experiences made you feel so fulfilled to determine your values, and decide which values are most important to you.^{[8]
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- Values can include ambition, accountability, compassion, creativity, peace, teamwork, and security.
3
Acknowledge your experiences. Your life experiences shape and define the person that you are. Pretending to be something that you're not, or pretending to have lived through experiences you do not understand, will quickly reveal you to be a fraud. Instead of trying to hide your roots or your true persona, embrace who you are and where you came from. Others will recognize that you are being true to yourself and will respect you for it.^{[9]
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- Examine your life's experiences and your set of personal beliefs to find what resonates with you most. That is most likely a part of who you really are.
- Take time to recognize and evaluate your thoughts and feelings on a daily basis. They will help you realize whether or not you are being sincere and genuine.
- Search your feelings and you will know whether or not you're being true to yourself.
4
Be honest and forthright. Honesty requires a certain amount of vulnerability on your part. But when you make yourself vulnerable, others usually respond in kind. Being honest and direct about your thoughts, feelings, and beliefs will help others get to know you on a mutually-sincere level.^{[10]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

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- Don't exaggerate your responses, reactions, or feelings.
- Let people know how you really feel without beating around the bush or misleading anyone.
- If you think someone is an interesting person, show it by offering your full attention. Take a genuine interest in what other people say and think.
- Remember that being honest and forthright doesn't mean hurting other people's feelings. If you think an honest, direct answer could upset someone, you may want to consider approaching that situation with a little more tact.
5
Practice mindfulness. Being mindful means learning how to be aware of yourself, your actions, and your feelings in the present moment.^{[11]
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Trustworthy Source

Greater Good Magazine
Journal published by UC Berkeley's Greater Good Science Center, which uses scientific research to promote happier living

Go to source} When you practice mindfulness, you force yourself to confront the way you think and feel in the immediate now, which can help you get a better, more sincere sense of self.^{[12]
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Trustworthy Source

National Health Service (UK)
Public healthcare system of the UK

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- Focus on your breath. If you find your thoughts wandering, just return to your breathing. Concentrate on the physical sensation of air blowing in and out through your nostrils, as well as your abdomen moving up and down. Notice the way your stress or anxiety seems to melt away as you continue breathing.
- Engage your senses in everything you do. Try using as many of your senses as possible when you perform daily activities like eating. Use your sight, smell, touch, and taste to fully experience an orange before you eat it.
- Practicing mindfulness helps you block out any internalized expectations you may have placed on yourself, and instead allows you to experience the present moment as your real, authentic self.
- Apps like Insight Timer and Headspace can guide you through the process of mindfulness.

Method 3

Method 3 of 3:

Offering a Sincere Apology

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1
Acknowledge your mistake. If you want to offer a sincere apology, you'll need to own up to your mistake. Whether you said or did something hurtful, made someone feel bad, or let someone down, you need to address the fact that what you did was wrong and it hurt someone's feelings.^{[13]
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- If you cannot understand why someone's feelings were hurt, try putting yourself in his shoes. Think about how your words or actions might have affected that person, and also consider how his life experiences may have made that person more sensitive to the issue at hand.
- Even if you still cannot understand why the other person's feelings were hurt, try to accept the fact that it happened, and that your words or actions caused it.
- Accept responsibility for your mistake. Don't try to blame it on someone else. A sincere apology requires an honest admission of guilt.
- Start by saying something like, "I recognize that I hurt your feelings with my behavior."
2
Express your regret. It may go without saying, but part of any apology requires you to actually say the words, "I'm sorry." Let the other person know that you understand that you've hurt him, and that you feel remorse.^{[14]
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- Don't give a false apology, like saying "Sorry you took it the wrong way." Be genuine and apologetic for your mistake.
- Research shows that sincerity can make or break an apology. If you cannot give an honest, sincere apology, take some time to cool down and reflect on how you've hurt someone. Then apologize when you're ready.
- Say something like, "I'm truly sorry for hurting you. I don't know what I was thinking."
3
Try to atone for your actions. Once you've acknowledged your mistake and given a genuine apology, offer to make it up to the other person somehow. If there is any way you can correct or repair the mistake, do so. If not, you may want to make an offer to make it up to them somehow.
- If you joined in on making fun of someone, you can atone for your actions by telling others to stop when you see them making fun of that person in the future.
- If you let someone down by your actions or inactions, correct the mistake. For example, if you promised to give someone a ride and then forgot, you could give them a free ride for a week to make it up to them.
- End your apology by telling the other person something like, "I will do whatever I can to fix this, and I promise it will never happen again."

Expert Q&A

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Question

How can I have a sincere as well as an attractive personality?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Being sincere is attractive. They go together. Being sincere also means being honest. People are usually naturally attracted to others who they perceive as honest, trustworthy and genuine.

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Why is sincerity important in our lives?

Paul Chernyak, LPC
Licensed Professional Counselor
Paul Chernyak is a Licensed Professional Counselor in Chicago. He graduated from the American School of Professional Psychology in 2011.

Paul Chernyak, LPC

Licensed Professional Counselor

Expert Answer

Sincerity is being honest with yourself and others. If you are not sincere with both of these aspects than you miss out on genuine happiness and quality relationships.

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Tips

Try volunteering and contributing to the community in the most giving way possible.

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Ask yourself if you are acting from the heart. If you're saying/doing things just to be noticed, you're probably not being sincere.

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Be patient. It can take a long time to understand who you are, and an even longer time to learn how to be sincere to your true self.

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