How to Seduce a Man

Co-authored by Joshua Pompey

Last Updated: September 19, 2024 Fact Checked

If you want to seduce a man as a woman, confidence is key. Gain his interest by being yourself, set the scene, and then slowly move into physical contact. There is such a thing as the art of seduction, and no one becomes a great artist overnight. These steps won't suit every body in every situation so read them all carefully and follow all the ones that you feel will work for you.

Part 1

Part 1 of 3:

Gaining His Interest

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1
Have confidence. Men are attracted to confidence. In fact, many men find confidence more attractive than pure physical beauty. Try to be a bit more assertive about your interests, goals, and ideas. This will prove attractive to most men.
- It's important that you feel confident and attractive when trying to gain the interest of a man. In other words, do not try to be something you're not. Be yourself and be upfront about your interests and passions.
- This goes for online dating as well. While a cute profile picture might get a man to click on your profile, he won't end up messaging you if you have generic information included in your "About Me" section. Let your personality show in your online dating presence as well.
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Dress in a flattering fashion. When first meeting someone, most people assess them visually. If you're trying to seduce a man, make sure you dress in a flattering fashion to get his attention.
- Remember, confidence is key. If you don't feel sexy, you won't appear that way to a man. If you're more comfortable in jeans and tees than dresses, try picking a flattering, sexy casual outfit rather than forcing yourself into an evening gown.
- If you're unsure how to dress in a flattering way, try asking a stylist at a department store to help you pick outfits that work for your figure or frame.
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Make eye contact. When trying to get a man's interest, eye contact is important. Men often gauge sexual or romantic interest based on a woman's eyes and facial expression. Some studies propose this is because women are less likely to show interest with their bodies. Maintaining eye contact for the night can show a man you're interested.^{[1]
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Use body language. Do not be afraid to use your body to flirt. This can help a man see you are interested in him sexually.^{[2]
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- Sit up straight and do not lower your chin. This makes you look confident about your body.
- Do not be afraid to use gentle, light touches. Touch his arm or shoulder. Place your hand on his knee. Tug at his hair.
Warning: Be sure to not do this excessively and check their response as too much contact or even any can make them uncomfortable, regardless of whether they like you or not. It can work really well with some people but not with others.
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Flirt. You should always find ways to flirt when first meeting a man. A little flirtation can go a long way in getting him interested and creating some sexual tension.
- If you're at a bar, offer to buy him a drink. Be nice to the bartender and respectful to any friends he's with. Try to engage with him by being flirtatious but also being yourself. Use your own unique sense of humor and perspective to impress him.^{[3]
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- Come up with an activity to do together. Challenge him to a game of pool or trivia and use this as a chance to chat him up and get to know him better.^{[4]
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- You could do something like give him a quick hug to show that you're interested in him as more than a friend.
Men tend to prefer directness about sexual desire. If you're interested in getting physical with a man, try to work that into the opening conversation. Coyly suggest he might want to come back to your place. Ask him flirtatious questions about his body. Men respond sexually to blunt suggestions, so don't be shy about expressing what you want.^{[5]
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Part 2

Part 2 of 3:

Setting a Scene

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When you're trying to get a man in the mood after initial introductions, try playing a game together. Go to a tennis court and play a round. Play a card or board game. Try competitive video games. Competition can spike testosterone levels in both men and women, leading to higher sexual arousal.^{[6]
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Pomegranate juice has been shown to boost men's sex drives in a few studies. If you're interested in seducing a man, try offering him a cocktail using pomegranate juice. If he doesn't drink, offer him plain pomegranate juice as a beverage.^{[7]
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Get a haircut. If you're trying to set a romantic or sexual scene, consider a new hairstyle. Men might not notice right away that you've changed your hair, but they will notice you're looking more put together. This can be attractive.
- Much like planning an outfit, pick something you feel good about rather than catering explicitly to a man's interests. While a guy might say he prefers long, layered hair, if you feel sexiest with a short bob that will be conveyed in how you act with your new style.^{[8]
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- Talk to a hair stylist about what style and color would be most flattering for you.
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Share fantasies. Talk to one another about sexual fantasies. These do not have to be fantasies you intend to engage in, but just sharing secret desires can enhance both of your sex drives.
- Talk about scenes from movies or television shows you found arousing. You can even try watching some of these films together to get you both in the mood.
- A fun game to play can be "Never Have I Ever", but a sexy version. In this game, you both take turns say something sexual you've never done but have always been curious about. This can be a fun predecessor to physical contact.

Part 3

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Getting Physical

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Try a massage. If you're unsure how to initiate physical contact, try offering a massage. Massaging a man's scalp, back, shoulders, or feet can get him in the mood. It also sends the message that you're ready to get more physical.^{[9]
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Appeal to his erogenous zones. Men have erogenous zones at various parts of their bodies. These are areas that respond sexually when touched, kissed, licked, etc.
- The earlobes and neck are areas of the body that, for both men and women, tend to respond sexually to being touched, licked, kissed, bit, and other forms of sexual play. Try focusing on these areas when you first start making out.^{[10]
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- The scalp is also a highly sexually charged area for men. Try offering a scalp massage and see if this gets him in the mood.^{[11]
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- Every guy is different. If you have had sex or performed other sexual activities before, a slight pinch or caress to his crotch can definitely get him in the mood. Don't grope at him, this can be uncomfortable, and definitely don't do this if you've never been intimate with this guy before.
- Reader Poll: We asked 2460 wikiHow readers how they like their partner to show affection, and 52% said they enjoy cuddling, hugging, kissing, or other forms of touch. [Take Poll]
3
Wear lingerie. Men respond well to visual stimuli. Try wearing lingerie. This can help get a man in the mood.
- Once again, pick something you feel most confident in. If you don't feel sexy, you won't come off that way.
- If you feel uncomfortable shopping for lingerie alone, take a friend with you. You can also purchase items online but the downside is you cannot try items on beforehand. If you purchase something online, make sure there is a return option.
- Many lingerie stores have highly helpful staff who are trained to help people pick items out. While it may feel awkward, asking a staff member for help can be a great way to assure you pick something flattering that makes you feel confident.^{[12]
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- Understanding colors that suit your skin tone, eye color and hair color can definitely help make you look more sexy and provocative. Psychologically, men can't help being attracted to women who wear red, so that's definitely a good color to start with if you're not sure, or maybe black.
- Be confident in your body. Some women are curvier than others. Some women are skinny, others have more body fat. This is nothing to be ashamed of. No guy will be attracted to a girl who's covering up her body while attempting to seduce him, or whose ribs are easily visible because she's starving herself. You'll find that most guys won't care if you've got some fat on you. Some women also think that if they are "flat chested", they are somehow lesser than other women. Bigger does not mean better. Guys won't care how big your breasts are as long as you show that you are confident with who you are as a person.
Women sometimes feel they should hold back sexually as not to scare a man off. However, many men are turned on when their partners take the lead sexually. Do not be afraid to be dominant in the situation. Initiate sexual contact. Try to have the man follow your lead sexually. Many men find this arousing and enjoy sex more with women who display sexual confidence.^{[13]
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Emily Morse, Author & Sex Therapist

Love yourself and own your power. "Sexual confidence doesn’t come from being perfect or having lots of sexual experience. It comes from self-acceptance."

Get More Dates with this Expert Series for Women

Dating is hard. We’ve put together this series of expert articles to help you get more dates, go on better dates, and ultimately find your person.

1

Be an Attractive Woman

2

Seduce a Man

3

16 First Date Tips to Help You Make a Good Impression

4

11 Clear Signs He Likes You After Your First Date

5

Tell Someone You Don't Want to Go on Another Date

6

How to Go From Casual Dating to Being In an Exclusive Relationship

Expert Advice

Try these tips to feel more confident before you go on a date:

Repeat positive affirmations to yourself. Say things out loud like, "I am great, I love myself, and anybody would be lucky to have me."
Wear comfortable, flattering clothing. When you're getting dressed, wear clothes that fit well and that you feel comfortable in. You don't want to spend the whole date worrying about what you're wearing.
Try to stay calm ahead of the date. Before your date, exercise, listen to music, and just try to relax. Do whatever it takes to keep a positive mindset ahead of time, and don't overthink the date before it even happens.

From Joshua Pompey

Relationship Expert

Expert Q&A

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Question

What should be done before going on a date?

Stefanie Safran
Dating Coach & Matchmaker
Stefanie Safran is a Dating Coach, Matchmaker, and the Owner of Stef in the City, a Matchmaking and Dating Coaching business focused on an honest and hands on approach. Stefanie labels herself as “Chicago's Introductionista®” as she has over 15 years of experience in the matchmaking industry. Her work has been featured on various media such as: ABC7, NBC5, CBS2, WGN, FOX, The Chicago Tribune, The Chicago Sun Times, The HuffPost, and Refinery29. She holds a MBA in marketing and branding from Loyola University in addition to her BA from the University of Wisconsin-Madison.

Stefanie Safran

Dating Coach & Matchmaker

Expert Answer

Recruit a passive dating buddy who you'll fill in on how the date goes. Stick to speaking with just this person about the date rather than telling the entire world—you don't want to make a big deal about something until there's more to be made out of it.

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Warnings

When getting physical with someone for the first time, make sure to pause and ask on occasion if what you're doing is okay. You want to make sure a man is comfortable and ready to engage in sex.

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Always practice safer sex by using condoms. This protects you from STDs.

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